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Film Review: Hobbs and Shaw

“I’m Dealing With The Future Of The Planet. I’m The Necessary Shock To The System. I Am Human Evolutionary Change…”

After a rather petulant, if supposed, high-profile, on-set fall out, the hotly reported, rather extended and overly silly “feud” between the muscle-headed duo of both Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel results in the release of Hobbs and Shaw this week, a similarly stupid, bloated and mind-numbingly dull spin-off from the jaw-droppingly successful Fast and Furious franchise, a blockbuster series which staggeringly continues to make shed loads of money even when the quality chops and changes more often than the leader of the Conservative party. Whilst the Furious franchise has become less about fast cars and more about fuel-injected explosions over the course of nearly two decades, Hobbs and Shaw is the first to overtly discount any notion of similarity from the set up of the series’ first couple of movies and fall more into the bracket of full-on, high-octane, science fiction oriented action, one which sees The Rock and Jason Statham pretty much play themselves as they happily accept bundles of cash in order to reprise the titular roles of Luke Hobbs and Deckard Shaw respectively in order to prevent a catastrophic, world-ending, overly cliched bad thing from occurring. Whilst I am all for silly, hot-headed nonsense from time to time, Hobbs and Shaw is the type of action movie which is so painfully sterile and cheap, you long for the craftsmanship of 1990’s era Michael Bay to come in and at least churn out a decent level of enjoyment, but with excess for the sake of excess and an annoying scent of self-congratulating sprayed upon it, the Furious franchise’s first spin-off makes you long for the return of Vin Diesel.

Let’s start with the stars of the movie themselves. Take The Rock for instance, a dramatically effective action superstar with enormous physicality to boot who when placed in semi-decent, B-movie esque action romps in the ilk of Skyscraper can be thoroughly enjoyable to observe, but for too long now seems to be continually placed in simply awful works of cinema including the likes of San Andreas, Rampage and Jumanji, all of which unsurprisingly then proceed to take millions upon millions of dollars resulting in the cycle of bang-average movies continuing forevermore. In the case of Hobbs and Shaw, the addition of the always likeable Statham and Idris Elba should indeed be a trio made in heaven, but thanks to a quite awful screenplay, one full of genre-literate cliches and dodgy accents, eclectic editing which literally made me cheer inside once a shot held still for more than thirty seconds, and digital effects which take you completely out of the action due to their sheer cheap and tacky sensibility, Hobbs and Shaw is a real cause for concern regarding the way in which summer blockbusters seem to be heading, particularly when you look at the other examples this year alone in the ilk of Godzilla and Men in Black, but with the movie guaranteed to be a box office marvel as it provides certain types of audiences with enough to keep them coming, I for one can only speak the truth, and in the case of Hobbs and Shaw, it really is quite crap.

Overall Score: 3/10

Film Review: Fighting with My Family

“Good Morning, Wrestling Nerds. This Is Where We See Whether Or Not You Get To Go On The WWE…”

With an absolute absence of knowledge pertaining to anything slightly resembling the world of wrestling, with my own views regarding the slightly absurd money making machine something of which I might just keep restrained for this particular review, it’s fair to say that Fighting With My Family is the type of rags-to-riches true story which from an outsiders point of view, would have to spoon feed me the rise of Saraya “Paige” Bevis, the Norwich born, heavy metal loving hard-ass who became the youngest wrestling champion ever at the age of twenty one. Written and directed by the immediately recognisable figure of Stephen Merchant (The Office, Logan) and backed financially by WWE Studios, whos previous endeavours include erm, The Scorpion King and Leprechaun: Origins to name a few, Fighting With My Family takes the cliched, formulaic approach to bringing the story of Paige to the big screen, and whilst such genre conventions force the underlying narrative to be more than overly predictable, even for someone without knowing the wrestling back story heading in, Merchant’s movie succeeds due to other elements elsewhere, with warm, interesting characters and a charming, likeable sensibility pushing his movie into what can only be regarded as just a damn fine, if overly cheesy, time at the flicks.

With the superbly talented Florence Pugh (Lady Macbeth) taking the leading role as Paige, her iconic accent and emo-inflicted personality immediately offers an element of depth thanks to a central performance which manages to completely immerse you in the journey she undertakes from the rocky roads of Norfolk to the absurdity of the big stage in the sun soaked shores of America. Whilst the film revels in portraying the ills of a Rocky style training camp and the drill sergeant-esque manner from a rather finely tuned supporting performance from Vince Vaughn (Brawl in Cell Block 99) as Paige’s talent scout and mentor, Merchant never seems to forget the core family unit which Paige leaves behind back home, and whilst Pugh is undoubtedly the leading star, the screenplay also balances the effect her newly found fame has on her brother, Zak, as portrayed by Jack Lowden (Dunkirk) whose dreams of capturing the world’s imagination on the biggest platform available are soon crushed as he watches his younger sibling take the road to stardom instead. With scene stealing supporting comedic roles from the always reliable Nick Frost (Hot Fuzz) and Lena Headey (Game of Thrones), Fighting With My Family of course oozes saccharin sweetness and cheesy sentimentality, but when a film is made with enough heart and soul to bypass such flaws, the end result is and hour and forty minutes of good old fashioned lovey-dovey entertainment, even with some rather egoistic cameos from Dwayne Johnson.

Overall Score: 7/10

Film Review: Skyscraper

“The Pearl Is The Tallest, Most Advanced Building In The World…”

With Rampage up there with one of the most tedious examples of over-inflated, digitally enhanced works of blockbuster trash so far this year, following on from the similarly painful endurance test which was last year’s Jumanji remake, it’s fair to say my opinion of Dwayne Johnson’s acting pedigree has somewhat deteriorated recently, but with the release of Skyscraper, the latest movie from Rawson Marshall Thurber who reunites with Johnson after their work together on Central Intelligence, Johnson returns to the bombastic, B-Movie-centric blockbuster hero many have come to love in a movie which revels in its’ utmost absurdity and succeeds in being nothing more than one heck of a fun ride. Based on a screenplay written by Thurber, Skyscraper is the type of disaster movie unashamed to scream out its’ influences as it swerves between a mix of Die Hard, The Towering Inferno and Panic Room, with Johnson’s former FBI agent turned amputee security adviser, Will Sawyer, forced into a perilous situation as he attempts to save his family who have been trapped within the titular structure coined “The Pearl” and a terrorist plot helmed by Roland Møller’s (Atomic Blonde) muscular if underwritten Kores Botha.

With the movie taking no time out of its’ harmless ninety minute runtime at all for meaningful characterisation, with even Sawyer’s opening catastrophic life-changing injury flashed through without cliff-notes, Thurber’s screenplay is much more interested in using Johnson’s physicality to influence the story in a fashion which was gratingly absent from the actor’s previous endeavours on screen, particularly in the likes of Rampage when Johnson’s natural charisma was wasted in favour of over-inflated digital pixels and explosions. Whether it be a bruising and practical one-on-one fist fight, holding up crumbling bridges with just his hands or taking a leap of faith with the movie’s most bananas moment as his character evades certain death when jumping from a crane into the heart of the fire ridden tower in order to save his family, Skyscraper is indeed ridiculous, but the type of movie which manages to phase through its’ cheesiness and leave you with an almighty grin, even with the inclusion of corny plot exposition and character deceptions which are so obvious there really wasn’t any need to attempt to hide them in the first place. Whilst offering nothing new whatsoever to the genre in which it sits, Skyscraper is a ninety minute guilty pleasure which reinforces the love for Johnson that was once lost, proving that when placed in the right scenario, The Rock is the man you need to save you from certain death.

Overall Score: 6/10

Film Review: Rampage

“Hell Of A Day, Huh? Science Experiments Falling From The Sky…”

Ever so slightly based on the incredibly retro arcade games of the same name which began all the way back in 1986, Brad Peyton (San Andreas) returns to the big screen with Rampage, a CGI ridden reunion with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle) which sees him front and centre of a science experiment gone massively out of control, resulting in gigantic, destructive beasts being let loose in the heart of Chicago. With the arcade game instructing players to destroy everything and anything in their wake whilst famously controlling an oversized gorilla in order to move on to the next level, Peyton’s movie features a screenplay which attempts to sew together some form of genuine narrative around such, and with the aid of a seemingly unlimited digital effects budget and the presence of Johnson who always seems to lure in the big bucks, such a feat has somehow been accomplished, albeit one far from a standard of quality for the movie to be considered at all successful. With endless mind-numbing action, a ludicrous and thoroughly stupid narrative, and some ropy examples of both effects and acting alike, Peyton’s movie is annoyingly not the fun blockbusting entertainer one may have hoped for, and whilst the movie may not have any issues at the ticket stand, the film seems only to work to a particular audience of which I can proudly admit I bear no chance of being part of.

With the film struggling to hold together a rafter of intertwining plot threads throughout its’ overbearing 100 minute runtime, the first half hour attempts to build up the central relationship between Johnson’s Davis Okoye, a retired soldier turned primatologist, and the albino gorilla, George, whose presence is managed through a mix of effects and Andy Serkis-inspired motion capture, and with it difficult to think of anything other than Rise of the Planet of the Apes and its’ subsequent critically acclaimed sequels when it comes to a cinematic relationship between man and ape, Rampage does manage to hold its’ respective bond to a solid and passable degree. Unfortunately for the rest of the movie, come the latter two-thirds when destruction upon destruction is the central focus for a staggeringly dull and unpleasant period of time, all the good work is undone and the film essentially becomes an amalgamation of Pacific Rim, Transformers and all the other bloated works of cinema which don’t earn their decision for utter and ultimate destructive chaos. Throw into the mix truly awful performances from the likes of Jake Lacy (Their Finest) and Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Watchmen), with the latter essentially just doing his role of Negan from The Walking Dead, Peyton’s mix is a real uninteresting work of nonsense which fails to capture both the enjoyment of the video game in which it derives from and the guilty pleasure sensibility in which it undeniably should have aimed for.

Overall Score: 3/10

Film Review: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

“Welcome to Jumanji!”

Despite the fact that the Robin Williams starring, 1995 adventure romp Jumanji was somewhat dismissed by many critics when first released despite it being a somewhat successful item at the box office, the cult status and underground following of the movie since has subversively led to both a re-examination of its’ qualities by many and as per the norm of many cinematic releases in the current climate, a unwarranted sequel. Directed by comedy staple, Jake Kasdan and featuring a script co-written by Chris McKenna, whose previous credits include the likes of The Lego Batman Movie and Spider-Man: Homecoming, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is a functional if rather predictable and laborious adventure romp which utilises the star power of its’ cast to shrug off the many, many weaknesses which encompass its’ existence, and whilst many will be swept up in the wisecracking humour and electric editing pace, Kasdan’s movie is the epitome of a release which can be crammed into the genre of “not exactly my cup of tea”.

With the titular gaming sensation transforming its’ form to keep up with the popular trends of the twenty first century, our leading four youthful heroes are sucked into the jungle of Jumanji where complete control of their gaming avatars forces them to play the game and defeat the threat of Bobby Cannavale’s power hungry, insect ridden villain. With Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black and Karen Gillan taking over for the majority of the movie therefore, the narrative mixes the absurd nature of our heroes’ surroundings with ongoing banter style comedic quips, most of which ironically do make an appearance in the film’s trailer, and although the chemistry between the leading quartet is undeniable, the film never really progresses from its’ opening gag, resulting in endless penis and body transformation jokes which do end up becoming increasingly grating amidst one of the most self-aggrandizing performances from Johnson ever in his on-screen career. With Cannavale’s pedigree as a villain well known after his turn on Boardwalk Empire, his character is ultimately completely wasted in favour of numerous CGI-ridden action, and whilst Kasdan and the crew are obviously having a superb time, the fun only resonates for a short spate of time, and for a film which runs on for two hours, well, you can do the math.

Overall Score: 4/10

Film Review: The Fate of the Furious

“Our Paths Have Crossed Before, Dom. You Just Didn’t Know It. I Think I Need To Remind You Why You Chose To Be Here…”

Franchises, franchises everywhere. Whilst the unexpected is utterly unreliable when it comes to the release of particular films in the current cinematic tidal wave, it does seem that the golden dollar bill sign is precedent as the leading force in the development of modern cinematic treats, evidenced by the return of the ridiculously indestructible Fast and Furious series in the form of The Fate of the Furious, a continuation of the franchise two years on from the previous instalment which managed to take an eye-whooping 1.5 billion dollars at the global box office. Whilst the mountain of eye-rolling snobs sniff at the sight of yet another jumped-up, adrenaline-heavy fluff piece, myself included, there is to some degree a sense of enjoyment watching a series continuing to live on despite stretching out what is a basic plot thread throughout eight films, due primarily to a overly ripe cast which all seem to have bundles of laughs causing endless waves of destruction and chaos with a seemingly blank cheque book at their disposal. As for the franchises latest offering, The Fate of the Furious is a surprisingly dull affair, offering very little originality amongst a tonally bipolar and utterly stupid narrative which aside from a few, minor elements could be regarded as the worst the series has had to offer so far.

Of the good things within Furious 8, Jason Statham absolutely steals every single scene in which he is present, from scenes consisting of a constant battle of words between himself and Dwayne Johnson to a final act in which he massacres a variety of killers whilst attempting to save the life of a incredibly important minor, all the while aboard a seemingly untraceable aircraft, one which is operated by Charlize Theron’s Cipher, a character which unfortunately offers no sense of threat whatsoever despite her attempts to come across all edgy and unhinged by wearing Metallica tees and moulding her hair on the likes of Bob Marley and Gary Oldman’s character in True Romance. The absolute absence of threat is fundamental to the film’s overall flaws, with each of the characters acting and performing in such a superhuman manner that the risk of injury or even death is so minimal that at times the film seemed to sink to the level of the worst the Roger Moore era Bond films had to offer, whilst the truly awful CGI comes across as so lazy and haphazard, particularly when considering the array of practical-based action we have witnessed recently within good examples of the genre such as The Raid and Mad Max: Fury Road. If The Fate of the Furious is indeed the future of the franchise, perhaps it’s time to hang up the cape, but with astronomical ticket sales inevitable, the likelihood of such is as solid as Vin Diesel becoming the next US President. Well, to be fair, that wouldn’t be the worst option right now.

Overall Score: 4/10

Film Review: San Andreas

Appetite for Destruction

If there were still any doubt that 2015 was indeed year of the blockbuster, then you only need to look at the release of San Andreas, an annoyingly over-advertised disaster movie set in the sun-soaked state of California starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Carla Gugino. and Paul Giamatti, whilst being directed by Brad Peyton, whose back catalogue of directorial credits include classic films such as Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore and Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. Ha, no. So, any good you ask? Proceed with caution, it might get rough.

When it comes to movies such as San Andreas, there is always a recipe for disaster (pun intended) which tends to include fundamental and key box-ticking traits in order for it to be classed as a success. For example, one of these characteristics include the introduction and development of certain characters who we follow throughout the destruction that ensues all around them which whilst is off killing waves of incidental human life that the audience usually don’t really care about, seems to miraculously spare our beloved heroes and heroines. In the case of San Andreas, these characters are manifested into the body of Chief Raymond Gaines (Johnson), a man so extraordinary it was surprising not to see him declare himself as part of the Avengers during the ease-filled nature of not only ripping a car door from it’s hinges, not only being able to hot-wire everything and anything in his path, not only being able to breath underwater for what seemed like an eternity, but to also keep the same expression regardless of the situation in which he appears. I mean, I love The Rock, but it is painstakingly obvious after watching San Andreas that dramatic, expressionist acting is not a career path he should be aiming for.

The golden word that came to mind whilst watching San Andreas was cringe with it being filled to the rafters with cliche after cliche due to its’ simply dire script in which the two English characters are made to look like court jesters whilst American hero Dwayne Johnson pretty much portrays God. Do I care for him and his family? Not one damn bit. Top comedy marks however go to the inclusion of Kylie Minogue who overtakes Rita Ora as top contender for worst cameo of the year in a scene that filled me with unintended laughter inside, whilst worst parent of the year goes to the stupid mother who leaves her child on top of the Hoover Dam in a scene which looked good on the surface in terms of effects, but ultimately fell into the black-hole of emptiness that was the films’ depth and substance, a phrase that pretty much sums up the entirety of San Andreas. 

Aside from all the negativity, there are some good points that should be mentioned. Paul Giamatti is the best thing in it in terms of acting whilst the sheer scale of destruction that is depicted on screen makes the battle at the end of Man of Steel look like a typical teenage tiff, emphasising the notion that if its’ spectacle you want, San Andreas definitely delivers. So all in all, bring the popcorn, leave your brain at home, San Andreas is many things, an insult to your brain, a symphony of destruction, but one thing is for sure, its’ only a bit-part player in the catalogue of blockbusters that make up 2015 in film.

Overall Score: 4/10

Duo Review – Fast and Furious 7 – Too fast?

Pete Fast and Furious movies are one that hold a spot in my heart. It was always fun and entertaining and I’m sure a lot of people agree with me. With the unfortunate death of Paul Walker, development of the film was halted and many presumed the end of an era for the Fast crew. However, with some movie magic, they brought Walker back for one last time. Was it worth it? From a monetary aspect, I’m sure they will do just fine. For me, I’m on the fence. I enjoyed the movie but I spent most of my time picking up on stupid little things.

With the movie franchise moving towards a more realistic approach from cars with 18 gears and an engine to rival a 747, I expected a little more common sense in this instalment. Dropping out of a plane in cars happened, it was tested in WW2, slamming your parachute on while at terminal velocity was not. Its moments like these that can be extreme fun if done correctly, but with it being the majority of the release trailers, it lost that charm in minutes. There are many of these moments that are so incredibly stupid and over done to the point of exhaustion. Hit in the head with a wrench? Get up. Have 30 tonnes of concrete dropped onto the lower half of your body? walk into prison and this sort of whacked out shit goes on and on and on.

So avoiding the blatant WTF’s and moving onto the ‘story’. Once again, we follow Toretto and the gang who have pissed of Owen Shaw’s big brother. He gets angry and is on a man hunt to kill them. Toretto crosses path with some CIA black ops guy to find hacking software that can monitor everyone in the world and give their location for man-hunts. Save the hacker, use the tool. Simple but surprisingly good for a franchise known for its corny one-liners and story. It went in a direction that we couldn’t have expected and for once, had a mix of actual enemies rather than The Rock and drug pedallers.

Fast 7 was shot beautifully and often you couldn’t tell the difference between the CGI versions of Walker although the rest of the CGI looked ripped from the latest top of the line show coming from Syfy. I’d say it was a fitting tribute for him. I’m still trying to come to terms with why the child threw out a Red Porsche toy car. Was it simply coincidence or a dig at the car?

The Fast franchise is always poorly acted and I’m almost sure Vin Diesel cannot whisper. Nothing new there then. So, what are you waiting for, get on down to your local, enjoy mindless entertainment with a half-decent story and help fund the next 18 movies in the franchise. My rating for Fast is 7.

Dan  Before entering viewing mode for the newest film in the overlong Furious franchise, I have always created a check list that gets mentally crossed off during the course of that particular offerings’ runtime, with Furious 7 being no exception. On that list includes, scenes of the camera focusing intensively on rather attractive women wearing barely anything at all. Check. Scenes of cars driving along long, open roads whilst “gangster rap music” plays over the top. Check. Scenes where the law of physics is completely disregarded whether by cars or just humans themselves. Check. You might get the idea that Furious 7 filled my mental check-list completely, yet surprisingly this did not prevent it from being actually quite fun and probably one of the best entries in the Furious series so far.

Firstly, the film is completely bonkers. It did a good job in reminding me how fun it is to cause absolute carnage on rampages on GTAV, with the latter stages of the film seemingly being just that, with unlimited amounts of collateral damage to buildings, cars, ambulances, civilians, drones, all being displayed on screen whilst simultaneously having the time to show The Raid style hand-to-hand fights, and a battle sequence taken straight out of Street Fighter. And I loved it. It has been a long time since a film has been so completely ludicrous that you forget the major plot holes and chances to say, “he wouldn’t survive that”, and just let it ride on, destroying completely everything in its’ path.

In terms of criticism, the film is way too long and easily could have removed the sequence in which the team head off to Abu Dhabi, which seemingly was only there to showcase the Lykan Hypersport, which in itself to be fair, kind of symbolises the entire film. It’s ridiculous (I mean you can get diamonds in the headlights), it’s unbelievably quick (240mph), but is also a wonder to behold. The film also concludes in a fitting tribute to the late Paul Walker, and I think I can say honestly say, who would have been thrilled with the finished product. Peace out. 7/10

Overall Score: 7/10

Hercules (2014) – Can you smell what Hercules is cooking? – Review – SPOILERS

Hercules 1Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is back, semi-naked and as big as ever. We all know Johnson isn’t an actor that can play a role in the calibre of Dicaprio’s Wolf of Wall Street or 12 Years a Slave’s Chiwetel Ejiofor. Raised in the WWE(F), he was always going to be a showman, a man of the people if you will. Action was his forte and that is where he belongs. Tag him in for Expendables 4 and we’re in for a treat. If Stallone would like to get him, that would be wonderful.

Moving on. Hercules isn’t really the Hercules many of us have seen in the past. Obviously we have followed him take on the giant evils of the world from the Hydra to the Nemean Lion but now we have glossed over them. To avoid the typical remake, they showed Hercules after these events. A mere mercenary driven away from Athens due to the death of his family which was detailed as a murder by him. Obviously, this is not true. If you couldn’t have guessed that from the off-set, you really need to start watching some decent TV. As a mercenary, Hercules and his entourage are called upon by the King of Thrace to defend the land from the a dark tyranny in the civil war but all doesn’t really go to plan. Plot wise, the story is nothing extreme. Yeah, there’s a few twists and turns but its nothing we haven’t already seen.

Previously I spoke about The Rock’s acting. Obviously it wasn’t wondrous. Although I’m aware he passed out several times while filming the scene with the chains which he requested to be iron to make it feel real, it seems like an attempt to appear as a better actor than he really easy and wasn’t a very extreme moment to watch. Often enough, I didn’t feel that Johnson really had the vocal depth to really do Hercules justice, especially on a battlefield. To be completely frank, the general acting was actually pretty poor. Ian McShane was alright and fairly funny at points but in the reality of things, he couldn’t carry as cast that look as if they are just there for some fun. With American Horror Stories Joseph Fiennes I expect a lot more from someone which such credible material behind them but with a character that walks like a moron whose arms have locked into the stupidest position imaginable and has a back-story of the characters from 50 Shades of Grey, I can’t pin all the blame on him.

Because I may be worth it

Because I may be worth it

The real reason Hercules is going to make money is because its an action movie. Although I have to give fair warning that in the 90 minute film, the last 30 minutes were where the action became truly enjoyable. With the attack on a settlement of bewitched corpses, I can’t understand how repetitive and simple it all is. Considering Hercules tropes around with a damn club and completely ignores the enormous blade he has hanging around his cart, you would think that this club is something magical but its neigh on useless against a bloody horde. One instance, which somehow made it through into the cinema was one of the corpses running at the King. It appears that someone decided to max out the contrast button and then add a splash of faeces and PVA him onto the silver screen onto to be splatted away seconds later. At points the visuals were decent but the incredibly bad instance is something that haunts producers and directors and none of them actually picked up on it.

A half decent story, a cast of actors who don’t really act, alright action and visual incidents resembling that of the inside of a lab monkey’s cage all seem like really bad ideas to see this movie. Although Hercules stands as a movie that is so bad, it’s good. The last 30 minutes were actually decent in general and Ian McShane’s inevitable death was somewhat ruined in the trailer but if you really fancy something where you can watch Dwayne Johnson shout a lot, this is the movie for you. I may be being a little extreme on the whole thing but the movie seems like a 6/10 for me.


Fast and Furious 6 – Review – SPOILERS-

fast 6 4Hello all and welcome back to Black Ribbon Reviews! I am back on a regular basis with news, reviews and anything else I can do!

Vin Diesel and Paul walker return to put peddle to the metal and kick some ass with the aid of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Packed with action, violence and extreme situations, this movie really packs a punch and keeps the story flowing effectively. As we are all aware, the Fast and Furious franchise is a huge money maker with many dedicated fans (One being me). If you are not aware, this movie is still before Tokyo Drift and is the last one to prequel it story wise.

Talking of the story, its not extensive. O’Connor and Toretto are called upon by Hobbs to help chase down the tyrant; Owen Shaw. All because Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) miraculously appears after her apparent death. It’s a very simple and linear story with a few twists within to vary it from the rest but it doesn’t stop it from being very weak. Yet who really wants a deep and gritty, action drama flick with cars and the ‘classy’ broads? Exactly. The Fast franchise has their demographic precision engineered, which made it the $3 billion franchise it is today.

Jumping in head first, we are dropped into a race between an Import and some V8 Muscle through the winding landscape at high speed. Yet is it high speed? We follow them and notice the extreme use of the producers fast forward button which ruined the effects of speed and where way to blazay for something which prides itself on driving. The effects role throughout and really pull the movie down.

Can you smell what the rock is cooking? I can, it's a knuckle sandwich with a side order of STFU

Can you smell what the rock is cooking? I can, it’s a knuckle sandwich with a side order of STFU

Many other scenes were also edited similarly which gave a huge chunk of chase scenes a clunky and unprofessional feel. I’m no pro driver, but I’m well aware of what you can do

and get away with. Crashing your $300,000 Plymouth Road Runner Superbird into the crash barrier and flinging Don into the air to catch Letty and conveniently land on a beat up Merc was just way to much. Scenes like this smelt so bad of cheese, I could almost hear Wallace in the background screaming “Cheese Gromit!”. The cheese ball visuals isn’t the end of it. A few lines are placed in which grind on me (I also don’t appreciate the destruction of a mint condition Mustang fastback. Let’s have a moment to remember what it never got to achieve in this film).

Speaking of lines, the actors are generally good. They play simple roles with little character depth until the end which we see Han (Sung Kang) after the loss of his women, Gisele. It got very little screen time but Han’s rage was generally believable and gives us a little context of his suicidal drifting in Tokyo. In contrast, we have Letty, I genuinely think Rodriguez is a bit of a blunt tool when up against the rest and plays the same role across all movies and by now you would expect her to be the best at it, right? The movie has many fight scenes which are creative and fluid in execution, with brutal executions and general badassery. The variation in styles and a scene that juxtaposes Han and Roman to Riley was quite amusing and bits like this certainly made the whole cinema audience giggle or laugh out loud.

fast 6 2(MAJOR SPOILER) Soon after the credits star rolling, we meet Jason Statham in the credit timelapse to Han’s explosive death after a drift went wrong. Jason play Ian Shaw. Owen Shaw’s brother who I can only presume is seeking revenge for the death of his brother and is making a statement by killing Dom’s closest friend. This confirms our next villain and that Jason Statham is appearing!

(MAJOR SPOILER) Soon after the credits star rolling, we meet Jason Statham in the credit timelapse to Han’s explosive death after a drift went wrong. Jason play Ian Shaw. Owen Shaw’s brother who I can only presume is seeking revenge for the death of his brother and is making a statement by killing Dom’s closest friend. This confirms our next villain and that Jason Statham is appearing!

Speaking of villains. What is it with us Brits being the bad guys? The worst part about it, it even picks a few of our social minorities. A black and polish immigrants and black youth are the key here. These groups already get crap from the racist public but don’t ride on that and give the uneducated fools something to stand on. It may just be me looking to deep into it but it never is good to portray it to the mindless folk. However, our consolation prize is that we get it before the US…Again!

Overall, the movie is predominately for a certain group of people. Men. It’s a movie that lacks emotional connection and is simply there for good fun and is great for a Friday night out or after a particularly boring policy exam you had an hour before the movie…

With lack of anything to critically analyse, the fun side of the movie is what I shall be giving a score for. The Fun Factor is 7/10, its outrageous use of cars and the creative minds of the writers (who I can only presume to have been high) really add that little bit of fun and the credit cameo by Jason was truly kick ass.

fast 6 3